You’re Setting Your Goals All Wrong.

Here’s the truth: you’ve been taught to set your goals the wrong way.

When you think about what you want to achieve, it’s almost always outcome-based. As a kid, you wanted to be an astronaut—that was the goal. A little older, you wanted to be a professional athlete. Now, maybe you want to make money. Or better yet, be happy.

“So what?” you might be thinking.

“Everyone else does too.”

Exactly.

And they’re all getting it wrong.

Here’s why: most outcome-based goals aren’t actually about the outcome—they’re about how we think the outcome will make us feel.

You didn’t want to be an astronaut just to float in space—you wanted to feel excited, bold, maybe even admired. You didn’t want to be a pro athlete just to play a game—you wanted to feel powerful, respected, alive. And now you want to make money so you can feel safe. Or be happy so you can finally feel joy.

See the pattern?

The goals we chase are often just masks for the emotions we believe they’ll unlock.

So ask yourself this:

Think back to a time you reached one of your goals—got into the school you wanted, made the team, landed the job, earned the promotion. Did you feel the lasting joy or fulfillment you expected?

Probably not.

Or if you did, I bet it faded quicker than you thought it would.

That’s normal. That’s how it is for me too.

Here is what I have changed after noticing this same thing in myself:

Instead of asking, “What do I want to achieve in five years?”

Start asking, “How do I want to feel in five years?”

Instead of chasing a goal and hoping it brings you the emotion you’re after, start with the emotion itself.

Fulfillment, joy, peace, inspiration—whatever it is. Aim for that. Build your life around what you want to feel, not what you want to achieve.

When you attach your inner emotional life to external outcomes, you’re essentially saying, “I trust my past self to know what my future self will need.” But your past self didn’t have the wisdom of the journey. You do now.

Here’s the deeper truth I believe:

At the root of everything we do, we’re all chasing one thing—fulfillment.

Even the bad decisions, the detours, the hesitations—they come from a desire to feel whole. And that desire is real, even if the path is messy.

But fulfillment isn’t pleasure. It’s not happiness. It’s not temporary relief.

It’s deeper. It’s a sense of rightness with your life. A quiet knowing that you’re aligned with who you truly are.

And it’s not something you “achieve.”

It’s something you build, moment by moment, by paying attention to how you feel and choosing with intention.

So tomorrow, or today, or five years from now—

Don’t just ask: What do I want to do?

Ask: What do I want to feel?

And then live in a way that brings you closer to that every day.


The Grateful Podcast:

I have a podcast where I interview people much smarter and more qualified than me talking about how you can live a more purposeful life full of gratitude and ambition. 
I release episodes every Monday where I go over a lesson I’ve recently learned.

Every Wednesday and Saturday I release an episode with a very cool guest. 

You can subscribe on Apple Podcasts or Spotify, or find the video version on YouTube.

This week’s episodes:

Monday: You’re Setting Your Goals All Wrong (A deeper dive into this newsletter)

Wednesday: Matt from the Zenith Project

Saturday: Trey Tucker at Rugged Counseling

Coaching:

If you’re ready to take action and need guidance, I’d love to help.

I have limited space available so if you’re interested, book a free 15-minute call with me to discuss your dreams and how to start making them happen. 

You can shoot me an email at [email protected] where we can get scheduled.

Make this week rock. Thank you so much for reading this; I’ll see you next week.

With love,

Jack Wagoner