Why People Stop Chasing Dreams

Dear friends,

When people give up their dreams, it is often for the same socially excusable reasons:

Money, security, family, fear of what others think, failure fatigue, etc.

All of these have something in common that you have probably never thought about, because you’re not a nerd like me.

Look at this graph below:

I’m sure we can agree that life is full of ups and downs. In math terms we would call these your mins and maxes, and more often than not, they are relative mins and maxes.

We experience everything in relativity.

Sometimes just after our lowest moments, we can feel joy. Is this more objective joy than you have ever felt? Probably not, but it is relatively much better than what you were just experiencing, so it feels amazing in that moment.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. That is just human experience. We should enjoy those moments.

However, sometimes these relative maxima get us into trouble with our dreams, with our idealized versions of reality. These relative maxima can tempt us to detour from our paths toward the things that we truly want to get out of life.

For example, when you finally get a job with a comfortable salary that can support your family, despite it not being your dream, you reach a relative maximum. This reality is relatively better than what you have been experiencing. In order to reach another relative maximum, you would have to first reach a relative minimum, and as your maxima get higher in relativity to your minimums, you become more risk averse and more attached to the relatively maximal life you have attained.

Now, this is not a bad thing. In fact, sometimes I envy the ability to be content with a life that is below your “absolute maximum”. For some reason, I and a few others have become obsessed with the pursuit of absolute max in life.

I have rationalized my pursuit in this way:

When we stop pursuing our best life, it is often in fear of the struggles and pain we would face on the way there. We don’t know if our “relative maxima” we are currently in is actually our absolute. We have no way of predicting the future, only analyzing patterns of the past.

Many times, when we become relatively content with our lives, we start visualizing losing it all. We visualize our worst case scenario, and that is what holds us back from pursuing that which we feel we are meant for, our absolute max.

But what is actually your worst case scenario? I mean are you going to die? Are you “extreme enough” to think this way?

I have realized something: no matter what I do, if I am not physically reckless, I won’t die.

No matter how poor I am, no matter how many times I fall flat on my face, if I get up, I will still be alive.

To me, this is my fuel. This is what allows me to go absolutely all in.

I have absolute, complete, utter trust in myself that I will succeed, and if I don’t, I still believe it is what I am meant to be doing. I am meant to be pursuing something special, something different, something insane, something “crazy”.

If the worst case scenario happens, I can still build myself back up to the next relative maxima, and it will feel just as relatively good as the previous one did, however higher up it may have been.


The Grateful Podcast:

I have a podcast where I interview people much smarter and more qualified than me talking about how you can live a more purposeful life full of gratitude and ambition. 
I release episodes every Monday where I go over a lesson I’ve recently learned.

Every Wednesday and Saturday I release an episode with a very cool guest. 

You can subscribe on Apple Podcasts or Spotify, or find the video version on YouTube.

This week’s episodes:

Monday:
I will dive into my thought process writing this newsletter and more personal examples.

Wednesday: SECRET

Saturday: SECRET

Coaching:

If you’re ready to take action and need guidance, I’d love to help.

I have limited space available so if you’re interested, book a free 15-minute call with me to discuss your dreams and how to start making them happen. 

You can shoot me an email at [email protected] where we can get scheduled.

Make this week rock. Thank you so much for reading this; I’ll see you next week.

With love,

Jack Wagoner