The Trap of Miserable Righteousness

Dear friends,

Many people fail before they even start. They get thrown into something outside of their control and instantly decide they hate it — it’s not for them.

When you make a snap judgment, unless you’re consciously aware of how you act and why, every move you make after that is just an attempt to confirm your original belief. You’ll do anything you can to prove to yourself that you were right before you even gave it a real chance.

The more I learn about humans, the more I realize just how egotistical we’re wired to be. I don’t mean that as an insult — ego clearly has some evolutionary perks — but if you want to succeed in life (especially in situations you didn’t perfectly plan for), you’ve got to break free from that automatic, self-justifying loop.

One of my greatest skills is being able to extract the absolute maximum value out of any experience. I believe it’s one of the most important reasons I’ve been able to make progress in so many areas — and I know it’ll continue to pay off.

But I didn’t always have this skill.

As a freshman in high school, I was forced to take a musical theater class to fulfill an art credit. And like any status-obsessed jock, I was horrified.

“I have to sing and dance?!”

I thought it was the worst thing ever.

Now, I wish I could tell you this story ended with me fighting my ego, going with the flow, and finding my hidden passion for Broadway. But nope. That’s not how it went. I was embarrassed every day, I didn’t make friends, and I refused to even try. I had already made up my mind that the class — and the people in it — were weird and that it wasn’t something “someone like me” should be doing. I didn’t read the syllabus. I didn’t open my mind. I didn’t let anything shift that initial judgment.

And the result?

I proved myself right.

Yay!

A full semester of misery!

But here’s the thing:

Is being miserable a fair cost for being right?

That question hit me hard — and to it, I answered: no.

We put ourselves through unnecessary suffering just to keep our egos intact. And in doing so, we only end up feeling worse.

The opposite is also true. If your favorite artist drops a new album, you’re convinced it’s amazing before you even hear the first song. When it turns out to be a dud, you’re the last to admit it. You waste hours listening, hoping to find a way to make it great in your head — just so you don’t have to admit you were wrong.

Our unconscious obsession with proving ourselves right keeps us trapped in emotional quicksand. If our feelings shift even slightly from what we first believed, our egos panic. Because that would mean we were wrong.

So how do we break free?

How do we stop living to justify old opinions?

Here’s what I’ve learned:

If you’re going to spend your time on something — especially something you didn’t choose — you have to decide that there’s value in it. You have to believe you’ll learn something from the experience.

Even if I dread something, I go into it saying:

“This is going to grow me.”

If I’m spending my time here, I’m going to come out better for it.

Now, don’t get me wrong — I’m not saying you should say yes to everything. If something truly doesn’t align with you, don’t do it. Saying no gives you room to say yes to what matters.

But life’s full of unavoidable obligations: that required class, that awkward work gathering, that distant cousin’s wedding. In these moments, you have two options:

1. Suffer in stubborn silence.

2. Decide to learn something and let it serve you.

The first option might keep you “right.”

But the second will keep you free.

The Grateful Podcast:

I have a podcast where I interview people much smarter and more qualified than me talking about how you can live a more purposeful life full of gratitude and ambition. 
I release episodes every Monday where I go over a lesson I’ve recently learned.

Every Wednesday and Saturday I release an episode with a very cool guest. 

You can subscribe on Apple Podcasts or Spotify, or find the video version on YouTube.

This week’s episodes:

Monday: The Trap of Miserable Righteousness
I will dive into my thought process writing this newsletter and more personal examples of feeding obsession through scarcity.

Wednesday: Interview with Jason Smith, host of the top Blueprint Podcast

Saturday: Interview with John R. Miles, author of bestseller Passion Struck and host of the #1 Alternative Health Podcast of the same name.

Coaching:

If you’re ready to take action and need guidance, I’d love to help.

I have limited space available so if you’re interested, book a free 15-minute call with me to discuss your dreams and how to start making them happen. 

You can shoot me an email at [email protected] where we can get scheduled.

Make this week rock. Thank you so much for reading this; I’ll see you next week.

With love,

Jack Wagoner